Anger is a way of punishing yourself for other people’s shortcomings.

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2 thoughts on “Anger is a way of punishing yourself for other people’s shortcomings.

  1. Reblogged this on wonderfulshantelle and commented:
    This is kind of fitting for a story of my past day or so.
    I also feel fear and despair, however, along with that anger.

    Yesterday, I had a rim replaced on my car, and the garage did an inspection my my car, brakes, etc, while it was there. When I drove away a couple of hours later I got about 100 feet or so down the street and one of my back wheels fell of of my car while I was driving. I immediately thought about how I had been on my way to the highway and I was frozen in shock… When I finally got out of my car…someone in front of me had stopped and asked if they could help. They found most of the lug nuts and I checked out the threads on the spindles on the wheel in question. They were not stripped or worn down I immediately thought about how my ex had put the winter rims on The car himself a number of weeks ago, but was confused by the fact that the wheel had to be loose when I left the garage for it to have come off the way it did.

    I was really scared and in some shock and all I could think about was how this was a result of negligence at the very least, and how I had to be at work in less than 40 minutes… I was also livid at how all of a sudden a straightforward and well-managed day on my part was going to cause me hours of sorry and stress that I am not in a good place to deal with at the moment. That just made me more angry and think that I am going to have to be vigilant in my handling of the situation to make sure things are taken care of. Afraid thAt I may have to deal with chauvinist mechanics who decide to handle things their way without adequately responding to me the customer (female customer) and my experience of this situation.

    One of their guys drive me to work and Picked me up and drove me back. When I got back to he garage the guy I had dealt with in the morning told me that one of their mechanics had forgotten to screw the wheel back on and he was “really sorry about that”. I almost missed that and had to back up and repeat what he said. He didn’t offer me any information about the check they did after the incident. He just told me everything was fine… My mind was still spinning and heart racing after three hours. When I went out to my car, I saw tht they had put the number back on – it had broken off a screw and fallen off on the side of the car that bit the ground. I discovered that they didn’t do a careful job putting it back on and went back in to ask them to do that. I also ask that they have incident on paper and on file. Then I left.

    I was a spiny mess all last night. Got 4 hrs sleep. Got angry and had an exchange with my ex that was initiated by my contacting him to ask him about the rims on the car (before I remembered that the garage machanic had removed them all before the incident.

    My ex made a shallow effort to show concern and then got shallower and showed less than any genuine thought about the impact USO all was having on me. And I was livid. I lost it and that sealed the rest of my night…

    In the evening I had called my uncle, and 40 year mechanic, to ask him wkT to expect and what the garage is obligated to do in sub a case and his help was comforting. I took the car to another garage where a mechanic told me that everything looked ok and showed me the evidence there was of the car falling onto the street.

    This felt better.

    I was, however, scared and anxious and nervous and shaky about going back to the other garage the next day to ask them to replace my bumper and show good faith in a future service. So scared. And so angry for being scared, and so angry that the garage had not taken me to look at my car and show me that everything was ok, and replace my broken bumper. So angry that I had to go back there and face fast-talking, condescending, avoiding men that wanted to see the whole situation disappear…

    This morning I was panicky, livid, scared. Went over there and got a colder greeting than I had gotten yesterday morning. I said they should replace my bumper and the guy said “is that what your boyfriend told you “.

    I was so shaky and incensed that I could even respond with a simple, “no, because the damage is your fault”. I was almost in tears and wanted to get out of there fast… He said I should talk to the owner (who avoided talking to me yesterday when I picked up my car. Now I have to anticipate that.
    And when that guy talks, he is a fast talker and not a look-you-in-the-eye kind of guy. I feel like I am in a house of mirrors when I’m talking to him.

    When what I feel I need comes up against what someone else thinks is good for them, I absolutely collapse… I can’t think straight or clearly. And I think I actually show on my face or with my body language that I think I am asking for something that I am not going to get.

    That communicates to others that I think I am wrong. Even if I really feel or know for a fact that I am right. But they take hat and run with it. And that makes me 1) irate 2) but also paralyzed me with fear 3) and more recently since I have been doing so much emotional work, I feel like I want to bawl my eyes out.

    Not at all the person who can easily assert herself and have people be properly accountable to her.

    And a catastrophe when those other people are in no way sensitive or empathetic to my interests or needs.

    I am so angry. Feel so alone.
    And I just want to cry. At 41 years old…

    ACA: afraid of confrontation. Afraid of “authority figures”. Yield to others’ loud, defensive arguments so that I don’t feel bad…

    How do I snap out of that today…?

    Like

    • That sounds nightmarish. I’m sorry you had to go through that. And yet it sounds like you did a fair job of asserting yourself and not collapsing emotionally even though the feelings to do so were strong. That’s courage – to feel the fear and do it anyway. I always take comfort in knowing that in any moment of fear, sadness, doubt, insecurity, I can just stop and breathe and realize that I am ok. Breathe. I am actually ok right now. Breathe. They are just scary feelings. Breathe. And they don’t actually hurt me unless I run from them.

      Like

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