Feel your breath
Feel your breath
"I need you to listen to me" means, I need to listen to myself.
"I need you to respect me" means, I need to respect myself.
"I need you to love me" means, I need to love myself.
* 9 times out of 10, what we want from others is what we are denying ourselves. Take a moment to check yourself before placing the problem outside your own sphere.
The hardest thing to realize when I’m being right, is that I’m wrong.
*I just caught myself being right, being firmly planted in my rightness. When I suddenly burped out loud, “I’m wrong!” I had to repeat it a few times to anchor it.
I realized that even though what I was saying was correct, I was stuck in a blind frame of “I’m right.” I was trying to show another that they were wrong… to help them. (Says I.) This is, of course, the norm.
How to help without making wrong? How to empower, rather than correct? How to be in the conversation (in its connected aliveness) rather than trying to end the conversation (come to a point of divisive right or wrong)?
When I see how I’m wrong, I release the other from being wrong, and the possibility of something greater than “right” emerges.
My experience of realizing that I’m wrong served more to break the spell I was under. It didn’t throw me to the other side into feeling wrong, i.e., bad. I actually felt excited. It was an exciting discovery! I’m wrong! Wow! I’m awake now. It felt vibrant. I was no longer trapped in being right.
By realizing my approach and energy was “wrong” I actually became more right, dynamically speaking. I felt more alive and more free. And I released the other from whatever need I had of being better than them.
That’s the magic of owning and clearing a projection: when I stop insisting that another is a jerk and instead own that I can be a jerk, I don’t become a jerk, rather my jerk is liberated and integrated… and softens, then disappears. When I shift from you’re wrong to I’m wrong, I don’t become wrong, but rather “wrong” softens and disappears. We both become clearer, more free… and more connected.
I accept that whatever shows up in my life about myself (or reflected in others) shows up to be loved and accepted, not judged… including loving and accepting myself when I’m being judgemental.
Remember that the reason things happen is to remind you of what is already inside you next up and needing to be loved and accepted. External triggers are the opportunities that bring to your attention what is already next in line to be loved and accepted. Your insides don’t cause the outside, and the outside doesn’t cause the inside (so no need to excavate, blame, and fix). Both our internal and external triggers are simply reminders of what is already in us that next needs our love and acceptance, and we liberate it out of ourselves and out of humanity by loving and accepting it more not less.
(Thanks to Matt Kahn)